I am 30 years old with a beautiful fiancée, a house, and a job I love. I work as a qualified PE teacher at Whitgift School and I have played 10 seasons of Premier League Hockey for East Grinstead (to the disbelief of some). My brother is Ashley Jackson, the golden boy for England & GB Hockey, although he would hate this tag. He has over 250 caps, has played in 3 Olympic Games (Beijing, London, Rio) and is the all -time leading goal scorer for England & GB. I am super proud of him and go to support him and my country at every opportunity.

So, what is this about and what has prompted me to write this? Throughout my life I have experienced people around me being fascinated with my brother, from friends constantly asking about him to people I’ve just met asking me, am I Ashley Jackson’s brother? Even people asking me for my autograph thinking I’m Ashley (5 minutes after a GB Olympic group game, wearing jeans and an England shirt)!

I find the fascination of others intriguing and have seen it in every aspect of my life; friendship, sport, work, and family (albeit very limited). So why am I writing about it? The phrase “I’m ok, it’s just the others” pops into my head. I’m fine with it but it seems to affect everyone else. I want to reach out to others who may be affected by the topic, and enlighten those who seem to have the wrong impression of what it’s like to have an amazing family member or friend.

As I have already mentioned, I am super proud of Ashley’s achievements and there’s nothing more exciting and intense than watching him play live on TV or in a packed stadium where people are judging his every move. What doesn’t help is that he is the player who takes risks through skill, eye of a needle passes and high pressure penalties, penalty corners and match deciding shuffles. You feel every play and every emotion - just ask the mother who is in tears watching a friendly.

“Do people think I want to be like my brother because they want to be like him?”

What I’m intrigued by is that despite my clear pride in Ashley’s success’, people think I must be living a ‘failed life’ because he is who he is. Is this because I am part of the same family and people think my life path should have turned out the same as his? Do people think I want to be like my brother because they want to be like him? Would things be completely normal if I didn’t even play sport?

These questions come from a mass of comments I have received throughout my life and sporting career.

What’s it like having a brother better than you?

What’s it like to live in your brother’s shadow?

The great thing is, there is zero animosity between us and we get on very well. We recently spent 9 days in Toronto, just the two of us, enjoying what we love, forgetting the world. Whilst we were there, we were pulled away from chicken wings and invited to play against Team Canada by good friend Kenny Pereira, in a guest team as they were preparing for the Indoor World Cup (yes, even Canada put an Indoor team out). We were welcomed with excitement; the coach and his son were fans of Ashley and his achievements. Some people would view this as I had walked into this room an equal and then fallen into the shadow as all eyes head to Ashley. I get a pity handshake and a ‘Wes also plays in the Premier League in the UK’”.

Kenny Pereira, Ashley & myself at an AHL Toronto Marlies game.

This isn’t at all how I viewed it. Ashley is one of the greatest hockey players in the world, why should people not treat him this way and why would I compare myself in these situations? Luckily I don’t. I love it when people hold him in such high regard, and the Canadian coach and his son should be able to enjoy a conversation with someone who they respect and admire. In situations like this, it’s actually a fight between the two of us to push each other into the limelight.

“Does this mean they think I want to be like Ashley and have failed in doing so?”

On the hockey field, the abuse I receive from the side line attempting to put me off my game almost all relates to my brother.

“Jackson, your brother’s better than you”

“Your brother would have got that”

“Why are you not as good as your brother?”

“Ashley, Ashley, Ashley!!!”

“Jackson, why don’t you play for England?”

“Jackson, did your brother teach you that?”

Now, I am all for handing out some harmless abuse every now and then, and actually some of these make me laugh while on the pitch - we play at the top of our game and for me that’s all about the crowd experience. I do not get affected personally by the brother ‘chat’ but I do find it fascinating in how the abuser thinks it’s the only way they can get to me (or is this all they can think of?). Does this mean they think I want to be like Ashley and have failed in doing so? I don’t only hear this on the pitch, it comes on social media too. This does affect me a little more as it’s not a competitive environment with a crowd of people, it’s a more personal attack. But again, my overriding feeling is fascination at other people’s opinions on the matter.

I love hockey and have tried to play at the highest level I can, not just because my brother plays it. I’ve had my own 10 year Premier League career built upon a lot of dedication when I was growing up (helped by having a brother who dragged me into the garden at every opportunity). I am fortunate enough to play for an amazing club, East Grinstead, where through the years I now know everyone who comes to support our home games personally, and have their support and love. The conversation in the bar is about the team and what beer I want rather than anything else.

I want people to be proud of their family, partners and friends and support them in everything they do. It makes us better people, making others look even better around us. Surround yourself with good friends and family and veer away from those who you can’t be yourself around. This lesson can also be learnt from the way Ashley acts, if you are in the limelight, make others around you look as good, if not better than you, let them know their achievements and remind people we are human and we all have our individual goals and successes in life. It brings us back down to earth, makes us humble and stops us getting carried away with ourselves. There is no harm in being proud of others and letting people know their successes.

Don’t worry, it’s still ok to ask me how Ashley is or where he is, or who he’s playing for, it’s a unique situation when you meet someone who has inside knowledge of someone you admire. I enjoy telling people and enjoy making him sound like a superstar. There’s a great quote from an American author:

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero”
Marc Brown

I hope this offers a good insight into someone like myself and maybe even supports someone who is struggling or has even fallen out with someone over issues like this. I will leave you with a final quote from two war-time survivors, which is very relative to the current time:

“Life is not what we want but what we have”
Arnošt Lustig & Dita Saxova

Ashley scoring for East Grinstead in the 2013/14 season

Written by Wes Jackson